[This post was originally written in 2018 and has been sitting in my drafts since then. It marks a significant milestone at that time and it still holds true as I transition this child at the end of this school year to a new school.]

Today, M said goodbye to his first best friend. Of course, he’s 20 months old, so he doesn’t understand what’s happening. But he knows enough to ask for his friend by name, along with his friend’s mom, whenever he wants to see them.

We happened to walk by their apartment today on our way to the playground, and as soon as he recognized the familiar surroundings, he started asking for them. I have to say this is the hardest thing I’ve experienced in my 20 months as a parent.

I’m already terrible with goodbyes, but I’ve said them so many times through all the moves in my life. I understand what’s happening and how to process my emotions. This precious little one doesn’t really grasp any of it yet. Yes, he’ll probably forget most of what he experiences at this age. But the thing is, I know. And I remember.

The next time he says their names, there will be a pang in my heart—not just because I miss them too, but because I’m carrying the weight of this goodbye for both of us. Sometimes being a parent means holding space for all the feelings your child isn’t old enough to understand yet, including the bittersweet ache of growing up and moving on.